How to Create ‘Atomic Habits’ in Your Children at Home

A study by Brown University concluded that routines and habits are unlikely to change much after age 9 in most children (Pressman et al., 2014).

I was sort of shocked to read this fact.

I also know that the first three years of life are critical for learning and brain development.

This suggests why it is so critical to promote positive habits in even our youngest children. 

How do you approach instilling positive habits in your little ones? Make use of the environment.

James Clear, an American journalist who specializes in habits, decision-making, and continuous improvement, is also the author of the New York Times Bestseller, Atomic Habits. In Atomic Habits, Clear says “Motivation is overrated, environment often matters more.”

He also says, “Environment is the invisible hand that shapes behavior.” 

But what is a habit? Merriam-Webster defines a habit as “a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior” OR “an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.”

What do you want your kids to do automatically, almost without thinking? 

Start with the basics. The habits of self-care - teeth brushing, bathing, using the bathroom, washing hands, and so on - are fairly easy to remember because we do them everyday.

Then think of the more complex lifestyle or values-based habits that more easily slip away from us - things like daily reading, writing thank you notes, and household chores.

How can we make these habits less of an uphill effort and more automatic? Enjoyable, even?

In and out of the classroom, as a mom and as an educator, I’m an advocate for designing an environment that is functional, enjoyable, and easy to learn and live in. When it comes to habit creation, your environment is key. I’ve witnessed it in my own life even as an adult.

A few months ago, as I came out of the fog of having my second baby, I realized how much I missed reading for pleasure. I couldn’t find the time.

Then, I made very small environmental tweaks. I put my book on my bed, so I had to physically move it to get into bed. I read for a few minutes before I passed out, but it was something. It was such a simple environmental shift that clearly helped shape a new habit. Now I can’t wait to get into bed early and read. I also practiced reading 5 minutes in the early morning and 5 minutes in the afternoons. I did this by keeping a “downstairs” book on the end table where I like to have my coffee, and where I sometimes work during nap-time. Bingo. I started reading 3 small chunks a day, and now my reading habit is much more robust than it was this time last year.

James Clear notes 4 Laws of Behavior Change. They are:

• Make it obvious

• Make it attractive

• Make it easy

• Make it satisfying

Let’s go through each law, and discuss how we can cultivate positive habits in our children with environmental cues.

1. Make it obvious.

You can make a new habit obvious through visual cues in the environment. Don’t hide the new habit, or make it hard for your child to figure out what they need to do. For example, you can create a visual routine or schedule that you can display on your fridge or print out.  (Visit my post all about checklists with a freebie here).

If you are trying to promote a habit of reading, then leave baskets of books all around the house. Make books an obvious part of your environment, not hidden away in a specific room. Having to search for something is a deterrent.

Make a new habit obvious by "stacking it" with another automatic habit. James Clear promotes habit stacking in his book. You can say something like this to help you or your child remember the new habit:

After I brush my teeth, I will read my new book. The goal is for one habit to lead to the development of a new habit over time. The toothbrush becomes a cue to go read. Eventually, your child will go read after they brush without reminders or having to think about it.

Similarly, if you are trying to discourage a bad habit (screen time, sugary and processed foods), make them less obvious. Try to hide the remote from sight, and keep the TV off unless it is a designated screen time. Store the iPad in a drawer. Only keep foods in the house that you want everyone eating.

2. Make it attractive

If your child does not want to do the thing you want them to do, it’s going to be hard to develop that habit. You want to make that habit attractive to your child by modeling the behavior yourself. For example, you can read often for pleasure, eat nutritious foods, show gratitude, and more. You will become an environmental cue signaling, “hey, this behavior looks rewarding. I’m going to try it, too.”

For older children and teens, Clear says you want to make sure your children find peers and social groups in which the habit is the norm. Peers become the environmental cues.

Kids also find control very, very attractive. Allow choices, and make note of what makes your child light up. Incorporate those topics into the new habit. For example, if your kid literally can’t stand brushing their teeth, but they love Bluey, then go get a Bluey toothbrush! When you go to the library, try not to judge your child’s book choices. If a child sees a book about something they love on their nightstand, they will be reminded of their habit to pick up and read the book.

You can also make their reading environment more attractive by setting up a cozy book nook. A blanket, some pillows, and a basket of books is all you need. Maybe some soft lighting.

Photo by Mael BALLAND on Unsplash

3. Make it easy

This one is so important! Make the new behavior easy. So often, we forget that kids are kids, and we forget to scaffold new skills and behaviors. See my post on scaffolding here. Think about making the new habit as easy as possible to increase momentum and positivity around the behavior. You can build from there.

If you want your child to remember to do their homework after they eat their afternoon snack, make it easy. Create a homework station with everything they need to get started. Label everything for easy access and cleanup. Post passwords clearly, and keep materials uncluttered, unbroken, and fresh.

Similarly, if you want your child to clean up the playroom, make it easy by giving everything a home. If you want your child to read more, keep baskets of books all over the house to make it easy to reach over and grab a book.

4. Make it satisfying

Habits are much easier to repeat when there is a reward attached to them. That doesn’t mean an ice cream cone (although, those are nice sometimes, too).

Your child has to enjoy the habit itself - somehow - in order for it to be reinforced.

Clear reminds us that if we are overly critical of a habit we are trying to enforce, then we aren’t making that habit enjoyable. Praise the good you see, and avoid criticizing.

Additionally, make the habit visually satisfying. You can create a checklist or tracker, and the child can “check-off” each time they complete the habit. The website 1000 Hours Outside has amazing trackers you can use to track the time your family spends outside. By hanging it prominently in your home, it becomes an environmental cue.

Remember how much work it takes to change your own habits. We can't expect success by teaching the habit once, and then letting them go. Expect a little bit of hand-holding, checking-in, and work on your part. When supporting your child’s new habits, be a positive force. Model and remind them, but don't nag and criticize. You are what can make the habit satisfying or unsatisfying.

When deciding on what habits you’d like to enforce or change, consider tackling one thing at a time. When deciding what to prioritize, consider the culture and values within your family. Think about what kind of person you would like to see your child grow into. Someone who keeps their room tidy? Chooses to read before bed? Journal to get out feelings and frustrations? What do you value the most, and what feels like it is “missing” from your child’s home life? Start there. 

When deciding on what habits you’d like to change, think about what feels like a negative force at home. 

We had a bad habit of watching a certain kid movie a few months ago. I noticed it turned my daughter into a disregulated, hyperactive - yet zombified - child. Obviously, this drove me crazy and it was just upsetting and unpleasant. So we made some environmental changes to drop that habit and find replacements.

Here are some ideas for positive habits to encourage in your children! A lot of these, to a certain degree, will work for children of all ages. Modify and scaffold as appropriate. Always, however, consider your child’s unique strengths and needs. 

• Daily reading for pleasure

• Journal writing

• Nutritious, mindful eating

• Cleaning up after oneself

• Self-care and hygiene

• Organization of personal materials

• Drinking water

• Getting dressed independently

• Homework initiation and completion

• Saving money and financial responsibility

• Physical movement

• Outdoor time

• Self-regulation and mindfulness practices

• Gratitude

• Walking the dog

• Helping others 
  

What habits are on-fire in your home? What habits do you need to work on in your home? How can you set up the environment so they are more easily accomplished? 

How can you make it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying?